Passionism vs Peterism

Let us for a moment step away from the debate over Evolution vs. Intelligent Design and consider another, perhaps more crucial debate: Passionism vs. Peterism.

"God, having become human and descended to the earth, allowed Himself to be horribly slaughtered; he then rose from the dead and ascended to heaven, prefiguring thereby the salvation of all true Christians."

That is, more or less, the Easter story taught in most American Sunday schools. The fact is, however, that no one alive actually witnessed any of this. It's all just an ancient rumor, a kind of theory. Let us call it the theory of Passionism.

There is another familiar Easter story. It goes something like this: "A giant white rabbit wearing a purple vest each spring comes hippity-hoppiting down the bunny trail leaving brightly-colored eggs for all the good little children of the world."

This story can stand as the basis of an alternative theory of Easter. Let us call it Peterism (as in "Peter Cottontail"). Although hardly ever taught in Sunday schools, Peterism has clear advantages over Passionism: its foundational story is slightly more probable and certainly far less violent.

My question: why not let both theories, Passionism and Peterism, be taught in our Sunday schools? Why not let the children decide -- after careful and mature consideration, of course -- which of these competing theories they want to embrace? What are the Passionists afraid of?