afghan redux

"Oh I'm sick of hearing about Iraq!" replied the peevish infant Dubya to his many critics. "What about Afghanistan, huh? Huh? What about THAT! Now THAT was a victory, ya gotta admit!"

From today's NY Times: "The steady stream of violence has dealt a new blow to this still traumatized nation of 25 million. In dozens of interviews conducted in recent weeks around the country, Afghans voiced concern that things were not improving, and that the Taliban and other dangerous players were gaining strength."

Dubya: "OH SHADDUP!"

****

Twenty-seven years ago, when Jimmy Carter reinstituted draft registration in the wake of the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, I made the decision not to register, fully expecting that my eighteen-year-old ass would wind up in jail as a result. Now there's rumor of reinstitution of the draft, this to supply the necessary cannon fod . . . er, manpower for our present and prospective imperial invasions / occupations, including our occupation of Afghanistan. There is an irony at work here, one almost too sickening to nail down.

What of the "defeated" Taliban? "'We were wrong,' a senior Afghan government official acknowledged, saying of the Taliban, 'It seems they were spending the time preparing.'" (NY Times)

Shades here of that pesky mujahadeen of old. Those freedom fighters we supported and so admired . . . for a time.

Undisclosed Location Disclosed!

The Vice President on Guantanamo detainees:

``They're very well treated down there. They're living in the tropics. They're well fed. They've got everything they could possibly want,'' Cheney said in a CNN interview. ``There isn't any other nation in the world that would treat people who were determined to kill Americans the way we're treating these people.''

It was revealed today that the undisclosed location to which Vice President Dick Cheney retreated post 9/11 was in fact the Guantanamo Bay detention facility. This reporter has received from an anonymous source photographs of the VP lounging barechested by the Gitmo pool, sipping daiquiris at the seaside bar, and playing shuffleboard with suspected Taliban fighters. Rumor now has it that the Bush administration, rather than yielding to political pressure to shut down the controversial facility, plans instead to push it as the next hot Caribbean tourist destination. Provisional promo line: "Gitmo Bay. Come for the waterboarding. Stay for the sailboarding."

Wanted: Skilled Cartoonist

From today's NYTimes:

WASHINGTON, June 24 - President Bush promised the Iraqi prime minister on Friday that he was "not giving up on the mission" in Iraq despite rising pressure from Congress and the public to describe a strategy for gradual American withdrawal. And he shrugged off suggestions that the military and members of his administration fundamentally disagree on the strength of the insurgency.

Directions to cartoonist: draw a picture of Dubya as Charlie Brown on the pitcher's mound. In the background a scoreboard that reads "Insurgents 50, Home 0." All around it is raining body parts. Dubya crying out: "Hey, where's everybody going? It's just a summer shower. It'll clear up in no time! Freedom is on the march, I tell ya! Come back, guys!"

Good grief.

Of Quagmires and (Mental) Pismires

This war has been consistently and grossly mismanaged," Senator Edward Kennedy, a Massachusetts Democrat, told Rumsfeld. "And we are now in a seemingly intractable quagmire."

"Well, that is quite a statement," Rumsfeld, flanked by top US commanders, responded. "First let me say that there isn't a person at this table who agrees with you that we're in a quagmire."

Rumsfeld continued, "No, not a quagmire. Not even close. More like a slough, I'd say. Worse than a bog, certainly, but nowhere near a quagmire. One can make a long, hard slog through a bog, through a slough, but never through a quag."

"And while we are making distinctions," Rumsfeld added, "about all this talk of President Bush's being an idiot. That's ridiculous. An imbecile perhaps. And certainly a moron. No one at this table would deny he's a moron. But an idiot? Goodness gracious no! Remember, the absence of evidence is not evidence of absence--and that applies to brains as well as WMD. An idiot? No, never an idiot, Senator. I deny it, deny it to my last breath."

At this the Defense Secretary rose and excused himself from the hearing, remarking that he had an important appointment with the King of Borrioboola-Gha to discuss a status of forces agreement.

Meanwhile in their first meeting Iraqi Prime Minister Ibrahim Al-Jaafari delivered to President Bush "a letter from the Iraqi people." It is reported that the envelop contained not only a letter but a quantity of fine white powder. This was wrested away from the President by Secret Service agents before he could set it up in lines.

Funny Stuff!

WASHINGTON (AP). At a White House press conference yesterday President Bush was asked by a reporter whether, given the horrific violence still common in Iraq, he regrets having announced "mission accomplished" on the deck of the Abraham Lincoln two years ago. Mr. Bush rolled his eyes and responded, "But we did accomplish our mission. It's like Turd Blossom said. What we wanted to do with this war was distract John Q. Public's attention while we looted the treasury for ourselves and our rich friends. It was all a matter of disassembling, don't ya see?" The President then glanced in the direction of a group of his advisors, all of whom were grimacing and violently drawing their index fingers back and forth across their throats. After hesitating a moment, Mr. Bush concluded, "But in any event we are convinced that the world is safer with Osama behind bars, that Freedom is on the march, and that Liberty is one very satisfied young lady. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment with a sand trap." At this valedictory witticism the assembled press corps chortled appreciatively, thankful for being blessed with a President capable of self-deprecatory humor.

Meanwhile in Iraq four children died when the car in which they were riding was mistakenly fired upon by American soldiers at a checkpoint. No American soldiers were injured in the incident.

battle fatigue

AP WASHINGTON - Vice President Dick Cheney, reacting to a growing chorus of calls to close the U.S. prison at Guantanamo Bay where terrorism suspects are held, says there are no present plans to do so. "The important thing here to understand is that the people that are at Guantanamo are bad people," he said.

To which people is our Vice President, Mr. Hal I. Burton, referring? To the detainees or to the soldiers detaining them? Perhaps he has in mind that young stalwart caught pissing through an air vent on a prisoner? Next thing you know that guy will be getting a ticker-tape parade and a Congressional Medal of Freedom. "For pissing above and beyond the call of duty."

Battle fatigue. People sick of the war. Too sick of it to protest it, to demand that it be stopped. A collective sigh of boredom at every mention of Iraq. Almost worse than jingoistic, blood-thirsty support for the war, since it's possible that that passion could be converted into its opposite. But indifference? For that no remedy.

Drug Warriors Victorious!

From today's Washington Post, from an article on the Supreme Court's decision that the feds can over-rule states that legalize marijuana for medical purposes:

"Echoing an argument advanced by the Bush administration, [Justice] Stevens expressed concern that 'unscrupulous physicians' might exploit the broadly worded California law to divert marijuana into the market for recreational drugs."

How horrible. That the same croakers who now divert highly-addictive yet legal prescription painkillers like Oxycontin (RUSH!) into the market for party drugs would do the same with marijuana, a drug about as addictive, about as harmful, as a stick of Wrigley's Spearmint.

Saints -- and John Walters -- preserve us! The Spirit of Harry Anslinger, be with us!

cuchulain resartus

Cuchulain stirred,
Stared on the horses of the sea, and heard
The cars of battle and his own name cried;
And fought with the invulnerable tide.

--W.B. Yeats

From a Washington Post article of Thurs, June 2, 2005:

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is a war we are winning," Cheney told the 906 graduating cadets, their families and underclassmen gathered in Falcon Stadium. But much hard work remains, he added. "After 9/11, this nation made a decision. We will not sit back and wait for future attacks. We will prevent those attacks by taking the fight to the enemy."

Meanwhile Cuchulain, legendary Irish warrior, spoke to the Red Branch graduating class at their camp on the Irish sea. "For too long," remarked the brawny hero, "we have waited idly by while the waves gathered force to crash upon the shore. From this point on, we will take the battle to the enemy -- hit him before he hits us. King Conchubar calls it 'pre-emption,' and it's a damn fine strategy. So up, me boyos, up and at 'em!" And with this the Hound of Ulster leapt from the podium, ran straight into the surf, and, drawing his broadsword, began slashing madly at the waves -- this while his audience looked on with an air of puzzlement.