Of Quagmires and (Mental) Pismires

This war has been consistently and grossly mismanaged," Senator Edward Kennedy, a Massachusetts Democrat, told Rumsfeld. "And we are now in a seemingly intractable quagmire."

"Well, that is quite a statement," Rumsfeld, flanked by top US commanders, responded. "First let me say that there isn't a person at this table who agrees with you that we're in a quagmire."

Rumsfeld continued, "No, not a quagmire. Not even close. More like a slough, I'd say. Worse than a bog, certainly, but nowhere near a quagmire. One can make a long, hard slog through a bog, through a slough, but never through a quag."

"And while we are making distinctions," Rumsfeld added, "about all this talk of President Bush's being an idiot. That's ridiculous. An imbecile perhaps. And certainly a moron. No one at this table would deny he's a moron. But an idiot? Goodness gracious no! Remember, the absence of evidence is not evidence of absence--and that applies to brains as well as WMD. An idiot? No, never an idiot, Senator. I deny it, deny it to my last breath."

At this the Defense Secretary rose and excused himself from the hearing, remarking that he had an important appointment with the King of Borrioboola-Gha to discuss a status of forces agreement.

Meanwhile in their first meeting Iraqi Prime Minister Ibrahim Al-Jaafari delivered to President Bush "a letter from the Iraqi people." It is reported that the envelop contained not only a letter but a quantity of fine white powder. This was wrested away from the President by Secret Service agents before he could set it up in lines.