WASHINGTON (AP). The White House has reported that Vice President Dick Cheney has committed suicide, apparently by shooting himself with the same shotgun with which he shot Harry Whittington. Cheney left a short note explaining that he had become so utterly despicable that he could no longer stand himself, and, since impeachment was "off the table," this appeared his only recourse. President Bush, upon hearing the news, turned to his aides and, tossing his hands in the air, exclaimed "What now?"
In a related story, the Wall Street Journal reports that the "undisclosed location" to which the Vice President retreated in the wake of 9/11 has been identified as an apartment complex outside of Toronto, Canada. It appears, therefore, that after 9/11, while not in-country, Mr. Cheney was in-continent.
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